I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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