I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
