I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
