When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
