Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
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