omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I will die if light touches me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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