Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
