My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
