So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
