well I can't set my house on fire every night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
