But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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