you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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