youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
