fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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