tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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