Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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