Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How external is "for external use only"?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
