You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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