ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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