dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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