my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
