wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
