I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize