Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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