Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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