tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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