awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
