I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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