Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
