Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
