God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
