I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
