why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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I'd cum for enchiladas.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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