Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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