**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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