I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
