I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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