have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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