let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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