Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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