why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
