Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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