My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
