It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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