I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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