There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
