just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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