hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
