Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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