I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I touched a dick in church today
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
