is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
