i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
