I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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