don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
