Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
