Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
