I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
